A New Ocean

Swim: 13:06
T1: 2:26
Bike: 50:18
T2: 1:32
Run: 33:40
Final: 1:41:03

Now then...


"The fear of suffering is often worse than the suffering itself." ~ Paolo Coelho - The Alchemist

I set up my transition area all OCD like, even put out some sunblock-chapstick. Guh. I know, but now I know. Shoes, yep...socks, wh - OK, why four pairs of socks again? You're ridiculous, back in the bag - you need one pair, this isn't damn Ironman Wisconsin, crap.

Shut up and reach for the race bib - here, pin it on the belt, no - the belt! Hey NASA, you can't swim with the race bib, put it on. the. belt. The belt. Safety pin it to th-

Mind! Shut up! I'm pinning. Just think about what you're going to feed me on this thing.

Oh yeah...

And with that the dynamic and squabbling Body and Mind duo occupied themselves through pre-race.


Pinning on the race bib. That stupid belt was thick!

It's just idiot hot out here. If you think I'm wearing that wetsuit your an idiot, too. I don't care if they're wearing wetsuits, they're idiots. It's like 500 yards, you'll have to deal for 500 yards... Idiots.

So, it was a not wetsuit kind of a day this morning. I can't even believe that they allowed them for the swim. The humidity crept down a bit but not enough to convince Body that a wetsuit was going to happen no matter what calculations Mind had ready to bring to the table.


Getting ready to go and face down some sea monsters.

"Triathletes, start to make your way to the beach!"

Now, I counted seven people with wetsuits on the way down to the lake, not many more once at the water, so I felt better not having brought mine down.

I looked around at everyone while I talked on and off with some of my teammates, and I noticed this guy kind of looking at me. He looked familiar, but I didn't know from where. Then I realized that it was from a little 300-pixel picture, but before I could say anything, he said,

"Um, excuse me, are you Wil? Do you write a bl-"

It's a bird... it's a plane... it's... it's...

"HEY!!! Vertical Man!"

And I proceeded to give Vertical Man a big hug (which I think sort of freaked him out). We talked for a few minutes about the race that was about to start, and the Steelhead swim that he'd just practiced. But, finally I just couldn't take it anymore and asked (along with the rest of the women in my age group now lining up behind me) for his autograph. He obliged and aw shucks-ed the whole time.



Gotta love Vertical Man.

Well, the swim didn't suck as much as I'd feared. Surprisingly, I wasn't even rocked by the thought of every single person within sight synchronized peeing as soon as they were waist high in the water. It was a big lake. I lived.

Moving on, I ingested but small amounts of wildlife, and was kicked in the stomach only twice. Some crazy woman decided that she was going to try to hold on to my ankle just after the halfway point, and I think that I kicked her in the face. NO, not on purpose, but come on, she totally wouldn't let go and she very well could have been a sea monster.


Out of the water and heading for T1

Anyway. I think that poor woman went by the wayside or something because I never saw her again. She at least went away from my side, and that's really all I was in business for at that point. Sorting through the anger, post-panic and guilt of the Grabriella incident got me to the beach before I knew it, and it was onto the bike.

Now see, the first 10 minutes of everything suck, and I stand by this statement wholeheartedly. I, in fact, made it to T1 looking relatively triathlete-like. But things started to get a little uncoordinated as I slid around my bike rack Charlie Chaplin shuffle style. Mr. Iron Wil was kind enough to catch the debacle on film. Enjoy.


Sliding riiiiiiight past my bike in T1.

OK, then he decided that it was time to have a conversation, or so I thought. While cheering me on, I only saw his lips moving.

"What!? I'm uh... kinda busy here..."

"GO! I said, GO!"

"Oh! Guh..."


Getting the HELL out of T1

So, I went, and this left me only about eight more minutes of suck before things started to fall into place. Let's discuss. It seems that Body had an emotional attachment or something to my goggles, because it just kind of hung on to them. We didn't discover this until we were heading up the first of the two ugly hills near the beginning of the bike course. What the %$@!& Body? Are you kidding me? Oh, very nice.

Then, I noticed that my computer wasn't working for some reason (later it was discovered that I had put my front tire on the opposite way, which made the chip face the wrong direction. Guh...) and while screwing with that I was passed by Bunny fu-fu shorts. Powder blue with freakin' flowers bunny fu-fu shorts. Mind was outraged. You better get up that hill. Do you understand how long it will take me to forget being dusted on a hill by powder blue with @%$!&#% flowers bunny fu-fu shorts?? Move you ass, BODY!

And with that, we got up the hill. Thus ended the eight remaining minutes of suck.

Feeling a bit more like a triathlete again, the ride started to get hot. I ripped open an e gel and washed it down with some Accelerade, and for a while it was all kinds of fast and flat. So, I went to the aeros, taking special care not to poke myself in the eye with my drink system straw (yes, it's happened. We're moving on now.)

It was then that I met my nemesis. Lightening bolt shorts. The shorts were black with this neon yellow lightening up each side of the legs. We leap-frogged for the rest of the course, and every time she passed she shouted, louder than she needed to might I add, "ON YOUR LEFT!!!" The last time she did that, she also added, "Heh-hey! Nice goggles!"

GAH! CURSE YOU, Lightening bolt shorts!!! It's on!

We leap-frogged for a while more until she either got lazy near the end, or she was afraid of speed because she wasted the Bunny-fu-fu shorts downhill. "ON YOUR LEFT!" I called to Lightening bolt shorts as I passed. Muah-haa-haa-haaaa.

But she would return.

We still had the run.

OK, remember how I said that the first 10 minutes of everything suck? Well, T2 was interesting. I changed over into running shoes, and realized that I had forgotten to buy quick laces. Let's talk for a second about the dexterity and concentration that AREN'T there when trying to tie shoes after a bike leg. Guh, it was just embarrassing.

Anyway. I finally got the shoes tied and took off feeling like I was crawling for the first half-mile. And then, it got really dark and scary...Nooooooooo!!!! Not the Bunny-fu-fu shorts hill!!!! Yes, it was the Bunny-fu-fu shorts evilness right there from the start, just like on the bike. But I had no Bunny-fu-fu shorts to prod me on because she was still on the bike, or in a burrow, I don't know, but she wasn't there and the hill sucked. I walked from the midpoint to the top and then started running again, but slowly. Humid sucks. I have to do something about this humidity kryptonite.

I turned a corner at the water stop, having iced down sans water in my shoes (thanks, Com!), and felt strong starting mile 2.


Heading into mile 2, so far, so good.

And then my arch nemesis reappeared. Apparently Lightening bolt shorts was a runner by day. She wasn't happy about being spanked out there on the Bunny-fu-fu shorts downhill and was out to seek her revenge. "ON YOUR LEFT" came the behemoth bellow. Our eyes met this time, and for a brief second it was high noon.

Hello...Lightening bolt shorts.

Hello...goggles.

She passed me and I had the unpleasant experience of watching her lightening bolts for the next mile until she faded into the distance. Part of a storm that will hit again in six weeks.

And then it was really hot. Then it was really sticky and I was ready to be done. I started thinking about how much longer 13.1 miles were in comparison to three, and it really started to hurt. No cramps, no stomach issues, no blisters this time. It wasn't that kind of hurt. It wasn't physical at all.

Then Mind did a genius thing, it thought of the feeling of flying past Lightening bolt shorts on the bike back there, and that, along with the cheers from some of my teammates about a hundred yards from the finish carried me in.Two on your tail! Come on!!! You rock!!! GO!!!! And then I ran as fast as I could.

I wasn't first, I wasn't last. I set some baselines, found some bugs, and discovered a whole new kind of fear for Steelhead. That run is going to hurt. It's going to be hot and humid, and hot and humid really hurts. But I have six weeks to crank up the bike/run bricks, so I'm scrapping my original training plan and building it to suit what I know I'll need.

From now until that race, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday will be mid-day long ride/run bricks, and I'll swim Tuesday and Thursday mornings. That should pretty closely mirror the race-leg timing for Steelhead. Saturdays will be mini tri-workouts that increase in distance until about a week before the race. Sundays, I think that I'll eat and sleep.

I'm glad that Lightening bolt shorts smoked me on the run.

I'm not paralyzed about the swim anymore.

Now I have a new kind of ocean.